Community

GAYNESS. SOCIETY. What is a gay community?

For 40 years, I’ve been a “member of the gay community”. In that time, I’ve met gay men in Italy, in Belgium, in Holland, in Germany, in Czechia, in Ireland, in the UK, in Norway, in Spain, in the US, in Canada, in Switzerland, in France, from Venezuela, from Brazil, from Argentina, from China, from Colombia, from Russia, from Lithuania, from Morocco, from Tunisia, from Romania, from Greece, from India, from Kenya, from Uganda, from Vietnam, from Zimbabwe; some in cars, some in aeroplanes, some in hotels, some in bars, some on ships, some in discos, some on the street, some in supermarkets, some in cafés; some in the dark, some in daylight, some under moonlight, some under neon light, some in black light; some online, some borderline, some out of line; some were hungry for it, some thirsted for it; most living; one dead.

Some robbed me, some tricked me, one married me, one divorced me; some pursued me, some I pursued; some licked me, some fancied me, some weren’t that bothered; some were tops, some were bottoms, some were active bottoms, some were passive tops; some hadn’t a clue, some had all too much clue; some I met again, some met me again; some were lonely, some were busy; some had something to give, some had something to take; some offered guidance, some gave me guidance; some were full of themselves, some were full of me; of some I have their phone number, of some I have their address, of some I never saw their face, some were in my face, some I couldn’t face, some liked it face to face; some connected, some communicated, some communicated as I tried to connect, some lost contact, some never had contact, some wanted no contact. One died.

What is the gay community?

If all this is gay community, it is all things to all men. There’s a skin community, leather community, trans community, BB community, community of gym rats, fems, CDs, machos, twinkies, bears.

There was once a European Community. You knew that because it said so on your passport. Or there was a sign at the point of entry. Where you saw it was where you passed into the community. Or left the community. But gay communities are not defined geographically. There are straights even in West Hollywood and Palm Springs.

All these men were or are my community. I shun parties and don’t drink. Not, and drive. I rarely if ever go out. Instead I welcome people to my home. Some want to talk, and some want to make love, and some want to murder me, and some stay. They are the gay men in my life and, together with me, we make a gay community. There are no signboards and there is little to bind us together. It’s a community, but it’s not the gay community. Just like West Hollywood and Palm Springs, there are straights in it.

Straights I’ve met in whatever country I was in; wherever I happened to be; in whatever light there happened to be; on whatever line we happened to be on; some were hungry, some were thirsty; most living; some dead.

Some lobbed at me, some piqued me, none married me, none divorced me; some pursued me, some were sorry; some liked me, some fancied me, some should know better; some were bi, some smacked bottoms, some smacked their lips, some were passively aggressive; some hadn’t a clue, about anything, some were like glue; some I met again, some met a sticky end; some were loneliness, some were business; some had something to give, some had something to sell; some offered guidance, some walked strange paths; some were full of themselves, some were full of detritus; of some I have their phone number, of some I have their phone, of some I never saw their race, some were in my face, of some I can’t stand their face, some liked a race to the lights; some connected, some thought they connected, some connected and never communicated, some got lost, some lost contracts, some wanted one-way contact. Some died.

I’ve been told to grow up. Because I said all lives matter and asked can’t I love everyone? I was told to grow up because I would not indulge in divisive party politics. I would not refuse to see the other point of view. So, I needed to grow up.

It was in that moment, that I grew up.

Community is everywhere. Not just in bed.