Is Jambon a ham?

A new defence to idiocy: I do it very seldom. Noted.

I don't know why I didn't get the job. They said "They want someone with greater experience." Experience of what? Tugging forelocks and opening car doors? I opened my first car door when I was five, and I've been doing it all my life. But I never once tugged a forelock.

The job was as chauffeur for a minister of the Flemish government, publicly advertised - a part-time post for little over a year. For a year's part-time work, you need "experience"; yes, maybe you do.

I told them I'd worked as a driver for the Edinburgh Tattoo manager for 4 years. That I drive an oldtimer and drive with care for the car, care for the environment, for other road users and care for myself and my passengers, that I know how to drive with a passenger because I worked in tourism and a coach driver once demonstrated the difference between "stopping" and "stopping the American Express way", so the passenger has to look out the window to know he's there.

But, tant pis, I didn't get the job, due to a lack of experience. Perhaps the reason was that I said that under no circumstances would I exceed a speed limit. They're there for a reason, with expensive signs costing a thousand euros each. A friend said it was hopeless to apply because I have two university degrees. But I now get the impression it was because I said I'd not rush to get a man to an appointment whose job is, after all, planning with foresight. Perhaps Jambon needs some more experience in his job - a little too hammy for my liking.

Do I annoy? I bloody hope so. I may have annoyed the women who rejected me, who I’ve written to saying “What a relief that I was rejected.”

The ham, Jambon, tells people to step on the gas (in Dutch).