Poop, poop-a-doop

Another load of ...

I was here first. Poop, poop-a-doop.

Back a few months ago, I wrote about toilet habits. Not out of some gothic form of lavatorial perversion, but simply because there’s all-too-little written advice to the average newspaper reader about going to the loo. And, ka-zunk, like an A-bomb, here we have some more definitive advice, so LAP IT UP, suckers!

https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/article/2024/may/13/how-to-poop-correctly

It starts “Butt seriously”, which betrays a tendency that has to be regretted: that an act whose mis-execution can cause a great deal of suffering needs to be dealt with in a spirit of levity to get folk to take the matter half-seriously. I can declare, in all seriousness, that, having had an endoscopy a few years back and undergoing testing for prostate cancer last month and having samples taken for intestinal cancer, I am—thankfully—clear of all danger. King Charles, my friend in Holland, and my brother in England are less fortunate, but are still well within hopes of recovery, for which I pray. And, if you’re in a danger zone, I pray also for you.

But read that article and learn how best to deal with the visits to the smallest room. Because, if the writer is halfway right, you’re doing it all wrong and have been for ages, pretty much since you were potty-trained.

I will add that the expulsion procedure requires a degree of relaxation, and this cannot be achieved whilst playing games on your phone or reading exciting novels or even this blog. I know, I do try to keep the frenetic ebullience of my posts down to a tolerable minimum, but I know there are some among you who are extremely excitable, so, please read the blogs after the visits. All these mental stimulants are designed to up the tension in the body and give you a ‘trip’ experience, which is precisely the opposite of what you ought to be doing on the pot. Go, relax, do, and wipe. And, of course: