Relax, don’t bend it, like a good girl should

Subtlety all Day long

Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich released their hit record Bend It in 1966, and, with it (very with-it), tried for their US break-out. The Americans had other ideas and pulled it from stores, because they said the lyric was excessively suggestive. Clearly, the Americans had failed to appreciate the obvious references to knee-bending during the traditional Greek dance sirtaki. Here it is, so you can assess for yourself exactly what Dave Dee and the lads were trying to bend.

Reminds me a little of dancing to that excruciating ending to the Grease–y hit Summer Nights. Or Van Halen’s Jump!

In 1984, while playing a new release from unknown Liverpudlian band Frankie Goes To Hollywood (whose name came from a newspaper headline announcing a visit by Frank Sinatra to the said Los Angeles district), BBC Radio 1 disc jockey Mike Read whipped the single off his turntable mid-play, with an outraged, “That is obscene!” This was enough for the BBC to refuse to play the single (except in the dark hours of the night), despite it rising to number one in the charts and remaining there for five weeks.

People used to say I looked like Paul Rutherford. Na, he looked like me. (Takes a second or two to start.)

Here’s Luke Skywalker doing some real laser-beaming:

Back when music was all clean-cut and free from lascivious suggestion, Doris Day, who went down in the gay-hater annals for notably snubbing her Hollywood co-star Rock Hudson (just in time, too, before he died in 1985), released the following little ditty. Those were the days, the year 1952, when popular songs were free from all and any suggestion of impropriety, stalking hadn’t been invented, and indiscretions led to marriage.

I walked down the street like a good girl should
He followed me down the street like I knew he would
Because a guy is a guy wherever he may be
So listen while I tell you what this fellow did to me

I walked to my house like a good girl should
He followed me to my house like I knew he would
Because a guy is a guy wherever he may be
So listen while I tell you what this fellow did to me

I never saw the boy before, so nothing could be sillier
At closer range his face was strange but his manner was familar

So I walked up the stairs [this is no apartment block, she’s in her own house, here] like a good girl should
He followed me up the stairs like I knew he would
Because a guy is a guy wherever he may be
So listen and I’ll tell you what this fellow did to me

I stepped to my door like a good girl should
He stopped at my door like I knew he would
Because a guy is a guy wherever he may be
So listen while I tell you what this fellow did to me

He asked me for a good-night kiss
I said it’s still good day
I would have told him more, except
His lips got in the way

So I talked to my ma like a good girl should
And ma talked to pa like I knew she would
And they all agreed on the married life for me [did pa fetch his double-barrelled shotgun before agreeing to this?]
The guy is my guy wherever he may be [you reckon?]

So I walked down the aisle like a good girl should
He followed me down the aisle like I knew he would [normally, for a church wedding, the guy would be waiting at the altar, not chasing his bride down the aisle (at gunpoint?)]
Because a guy is a guy wherever he may be
And now you’ve heard the story of what someone did to me

That’s what he did to me

You think I’m making it up? Give it a click …

Finally, as an epilogue, here’s Olivia and John (’cause I know yer itchin’), as well as David Lee Roth, who’s nothing less than delightfully outrageous before he even opens his mouth, struttin’ his stuff for the heartthrobs from Nijmegen, Eddie and Alex Van Halen. Go ahead and jump.

The Van Halens are worthy of an article on their own. Tired of racist mobbing, the mixed Dutch/Indonesian family quit their home country of the Netherlands in 1962 and headed for California. The racist taunting and bullying continued when they arrived in the still-segregated US: with no mastery of English, the Dutch boys were second-class citizens at school and befriended mostly Black children as a result. Still, they rose to greatness from nothing, and with the most swoon-worthy of smiles.